Tuesday, May 7, 2013

The Way of the Phoenix (Part 5)

I had been studying the shamanic journey for quite some time. I had come to realize that this would be the means of “picking up the pieces” of myself that had been scattered over the years by traumas in my life.  I had also read the warnings about such an undertaking without an experienced guide to assist me.  I knew it was possible to enter into the otherworld and be unable to return.  At the very least, I knew that going there would change me.  

Still I decided that regardless of the risk, the condition of a shattered soul was far worse than anything I could encounter.  Even if I could not return, to me that would have been better than half-living.

I met the phoenix about a year before my journey. The way of the phoenix is lonely and destructive.  As legend says, Phoenix builds her own nest, builds a fire and throws herself into the fiery death.  She is then reborn and returns to a new life.

Only in retrospect, years after my journey, did I come to realize that the way I took my journey was to honor the nature of the phoenix.  It is difficult to embrace and identify with such a beautiful and mythical creature.  But it was necessary for me to journey alone, as this is the way of the phoenix.

Phoenix has brought great change into my life.  Most people fear change, as it is the fear of the unknown path that lies ahead.  I knew the fear of change was something I had to overcome, because the change that has taken place inside my soul was something that HAD to happen.

I could not continue on the path I had been traveling because I had lost so many pieces of myself I was only an empty shell. I could only live in the moment, as I had no future and no past.  Phoenix gave me the strength to undergo my journey the way she would have . . . alone, in the dark, standing before the fire, beneath a weeping willow tree.