Sunday, April 7, 2013

The Way of the Phoenix (Part 1)

Some time ago, I became a seeker.  Well maybe I have always been a seeker, just without the realization of it.  You see, there have always been certain “things” I have been able to see, to hear and to even smell.  I remember having this gift even at a very, very young age.  

I never had an explanation as to why, and many times it felt less like a gift, and more like a curse.  Foreknowledge of certain events can cause a very heavyhearted and fearful soul.  I would often wonder to myself, “What am I to do with this?” What could be the purpose in having such knowledge revealed?

I say I became a seeker because I wanted answers. I wanted to know how it was that these things came about, and why it was that I could “see” things.  I wanted to know Who gave this gift to me, and what I was supposed to do with it.

I am still searching for answers.  I have walked down the wrong path while looking for answers.  I have collected and read many books while looking for answers.  Finally I stumbled upon the right path while looking for answers . . . God helped me get there, for I never would have found it on my own.  I believe HE has guided my footsteps . . . every one of them.

What I am about to tell you will likely conflict with some of your beliefs . . . I know because they conflicted with some of mine at first.  It has taken me a long time, and lots of struggling to make peace with that fact.  Actually, I guess I am still working on reconciling the tiny details within my being.  But my soul knows deep down that THIS is who I am, who I ALWAYS was, and who I am MEANT to be.  Finally coming to understand and accept who I am to be has taken many years of “fighting” within myself and “fighting” for myself just to get here.

Like many others, I have been told what I am supposed to believe.  Like many others, I have been told that the things I think I “see” cannot really be.  Like many others, I have been told that foreknowledge does not “happen” and that God does not work in this way. I am here now to say, “Yes, He does.”  God is Spirit, and He speaks to the spirit within us.  All we need to do is listen to Him, and make sure it is Him to Whom we are listening.

When you open yourself up to enlightened things, God will not be the only one trying to speak to you.  You must guard yourself against the dark side of spiritual things.  The dark side does exist, just as goodness does.  The closer you come to the Light, the harder the darkness will try to challenge you.  Keep your intentions pure, and for the greatest good.

I have known goodness . . . but I have also known darkness. Lots of dark things have happened in my life . . . forces have tried to act upon my soul in a negative way to pull me into the darkness.  I have been there in the darkness.  Once a soul goes into that dreadful place, it is difficult to return to the Light.  The further into darkness you wander, the easier it becomes to stay there.

What happened to me there resulted in fragmented pieces of myself – broken pieces – a shattered soul.  I was broken, I knew I was broken, and I desired more than anything else to reclaim those pieces of myself to become whole again. In my search, I have learned that in order to fully love and desire the Light, darkness is a place everyone must go.  This is how we are made . . . born into darkness with an instinct to do evil – by grace we are given a desire to seek the Light of God, Who is Spirit.

I set out on a journey through the darkness to find the Light – and to find my shattered pieces . . .

I set out on my journey alone. This is not advisable - You see, I went by the way of the phoenix. Come, sit by the fire . . . let me explain . . .

Recommended Reading:

"Dark Night of the Soul" by St. John of the Cross (Free copy available for download at Christian Classics Ethereal Library)